dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Help. Why am I so naked?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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