I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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