No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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