hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize