i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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