I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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