i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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