Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
