I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
