return my video game
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
