Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
