i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
