he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize