is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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