billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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