I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
