I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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