You surviving the open bar?
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Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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