Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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