I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
