i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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