We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
