her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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