dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we made out on top of his cat.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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