Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
