I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
