I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
