we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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