we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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