My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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