Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
