Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
