I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
