I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
