Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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