ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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