nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
