I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
