thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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