Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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