Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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