If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
