I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
