i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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