he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
