I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
