Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
