upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
