dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
