I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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