just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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