i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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