Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
