I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
