I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
