I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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