I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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