worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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