We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
